Walking in the Wind (I love you, One Direction)

When I think of One Direction, there are a lot of things that run through my mind. You might be wondering, what things? Well, for one Kevin the Pigeon. Second, carrots. Third, spoons. The most notable thing about One Direction, though, is the community that this boyband created.

If it weren’t for One Direction, there are a lot of people I wouldn’t have crossed paths with. One Direction is the reason I work in music. Plain and simple. The people I’ve met in this industry are some of my favorite people in the whole world. Jenna Hastings, I’m literally in your wedding because of One Direction. Madi and Lexy, imagine a PromoWest without Brickrry. Tragic. Casey, your beautiful desk decor is because of the one and only, yup, you guessed it, One Direction. My life has been completely changed by these people and this industry, and it’s all because of these five boys who randomly got thrown together.

One Direction and I crossed paths many times while I was growing up, but I was too busy in my book fandoms to give them the time of the day. But, when I was 18, I was brought into the light and therein lies the moment my love began. This is also why the One Direction song “18” is so devastating to me. “I have loved you since were 18 / Long before we both thought the same thing / To be loved and to be in love” My brother, this song was made for me.

One Direction created an atmosphere for me and millions of people around the world to have a safe place to obsess, create life-changing friendships, and shake ass to a song about Louis Tomlinson’s morning wood.

One Direction took my hand and said, “Here is the start of the rest of your life.” Sure, everyone loves a great song, but I learned that I craved more than that. I wanted to know the people behind the art. It’s a much more intimate experience to be able to know the people who are virtually handing their journal over to you. Plus, they were genuinely fun and interesting people. I was having the time of my life.

It’s hard to understand fandom if you aren’t involved in a fandom. I’ve been involved with fandoms since I was 12 years old running a book Instagram account. Yeah, from the outside it seems crazy, and probably, objectively, it is. But it’s so much fun. And it’s so rewarding. I’ve created some of my favorite memories of all time because of it.

The death of Liam Payne is something that is going to be talked about for a long time. To me, his death signifies the real end of One Direction. Yeah, they were on “hiatus,” but at least there was hope for a comeback at some point. Liam was a complicated man, which makes his death feel complicated, which makes the grief feel complicated. No part of me is defending his actions as a grown man, and I will stand with Maya Henry until the very end.

The end of One Direction feels like the last bit of innocence has vanished. Dramatic, yeah I know. But they were one of my last ties to my childhood. I don’t have a single childhood home left. For real, the house I grew up in, both of my grandparents’ houses, my childhood best friend’s house, hell, even my elementary school no longer exist as what I knew them as. So, One Direction felt kind of like a make-shift home. And it feels like it got stripped away from me before I was ready.

One Direction was there for a lot of big moments, and tragically it feels almost poetic that the band really, really ended right when I was stepping into the real world as a real adult. There’s going to be a lot of opinions on the death of Liam Payne, but here’s mine:

There is something beautiful and humbling about living your life out loud and wearing your heart on your sleeve. I don’t necessarily shy away from talking about the things I love, ask any one of my friends, but One Direction really opened me up, mentally and creatively, in a way that few people have been able to do. Liam Payne played a part in that, and for that I will grieve his death.